Someone asked me how my blog and newspaper column came to be titled "Bleachers Brew". It's like this, it's an amalgam of sorts of two things: The bleachers area in the stadium/arena where I used to sit when I would watch baseball, football, and basketball games and Miles Davis' great jazz album Bitches Brew. That's how it got culled together. I originally planned on calling it "The View from the Big Chair" that is a nod to Tears For Fear's second album, Songs from the Big Chair. So there.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Bleachers' Brew #290 The 6th Annual Brewskies

This appears in the Monday, December 20, 2011 edition of the Business Mirror.

The 6th Annual Brewskies
by rick olivares

At the end of every year, Bleachers’ Brew hands out the Brewskie Awards to people, athletes, and teams that have made the world of sports even more interesting if not controversial. Here are the 2011 winners.

Get a number and stand in line Award
It seems that everyone wants to clean Floyd Mayweather Jr.’s clock. If it isn’t Victor Ortiz, it’s Manny Pacquiao. Of course, there’s HBO boxing analyst Larry Merchant who got into a verbal tussle with Pretty Boy after the controversial ending to his match with Ortiz.

The Condom Award
Victor Ortiz. So he may remember to protect himself at all times especially against the Floyd Mayweathers of this world.

The Bausch & Lomb Eye Glass Cleaner Award
This one reluctantly goes to Joe Paterno because he needs to see things more clearly. Unfortunately, for him, the sin of omission in the Jerry Sandusky-Penn State Sex Scandal will overshadow six decades of achievement. What a terrible way to end one’s career.

The Blind Side Award (awarded by Michael Lewis and co-presented by the SBP)
Hagop Khajirian, deputy secretary general of FIBA-Asia, who prior to the match between Smart Gilas Pilipinas and the United Arab Emirates did not allow nationals Chris Lutz and Marcio Lassiter to suit up because he said that the Samahang Basketbol ng Pilipinas did not yet provide the duo’s citizenship papers. Huh? Lassiter and Lutz were not being naturalized and Khajirian knew that the two previously suited up for Gilas in other FIBA-sanctioned tourneys. So what happened there? He gave Gilas something to worry about other than their on court opponents. Highly suspicious if you ask me about the timing.

Sausage Eating Champion Award
David Stern, the overstaying NBA Commissioner bags this. Easily. The Houston Rockets, New Orleans Hornets, and the Los Angeles Lakers agreed to a three-team deal that would have sent Chris Paul to LA, Paul Gasol to Texas and given the Louisiana-squad four players and a future first round draft pick. But Stern nixed the deal citing the trade lopsided in favor of the Lakers. Then when Paul goes to the other LA team – the Clippers – everything is all right even if the trade doesn’t look good this time for New Orleans. Stern refused to discuss “how the sausage was made” hence this award.

The Salman Rushdie Award
Named for the British-Indian novelist who once wrote a book that drew the ire of the Muslim world and had the late Iranian leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issue a fatwa against Rushdie for blasphemy. This year’s recipient is the prolific Dan Gilbert who dethroned Dallas owner Mark Cuban for his writing skills. The Cleveland Cavaliers’ owner creates controversy every time he pens something. If it isn’t that diatribe against LeBron James (in comic sans font) then it’s that piece about Chris Paul going to the Los Angeles Lakers as being unfair. The world waits with bated breath at what Gilbert will write next.

The this-is-epic-this-is-legendary-this-is-boxing-this-is-controversial Award
This is the intro to HBO’s super fights. Unfortunately, this applies well to the Pacquiao-Marquez fight that ended in Pacquiao’s favor albeit rather controversially. Pacquiao-Marquez IV? Forget it.

The Andriy Shevchenko Award
Fernando Torres. After a great couple of years with Liverpool FC, Torres jumped ship to rival Chelsea. Unfortunately, the goal that he scored at a dizzying pace with LFC has since evaporated and he’s seen plenty of pine time. Torres’ forgettable stint with Chelsea mirrors former Blues striker Shevchenko who came over from AC Milan with a rep as a big time goal scorer. Shevchenko struggled in Stamford Bridge and was shipped out after a few years. He has since rediscovered his lethal form when he joined Russian giants Dynamo Kiev. Maybe Torres would do well to follow the Ukrainian’s example.

Flavor of the Season Award
Tim Tebow. Not since Derek Jeter was overly scrutinized for his plummeting batting average, defense, and contributions to the New York Yankees (he turned things around and shut every yobbo up) has there been an athlete who lights up talk show debates, chatrooms, and fora the way Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow does. Whether he can throw the pigskin or not, Denver is 7-1 since Tebow was handed the starting QB position.

The Three Stooges Award
Jose Mourinho, coach of Real Madrid. Obviously, he must have learned from the antics of American vaudeville act of Larry, Moe, and Curly where slapstick humor ruled as did eye poking. During a Supercopa brawl with nemesis Barcelona, Mourinho poked the Catalan club’s assistant coach Tito Vilanova in the eye then casually walked back to his side of the scrum seemingly for protection. Mourinho claims that he was provoked. He really is “The Special One” because all he got for his trouble was a three-match ban and €600!” Vilanova was fined a similar amount and received a one-match ban! And he was the one who got poked!

Disaster of the Year
The Philippines is no stranger to disasters. If it’s not of the weather or natural kind, then it’s man-made such as the now familiar and regular debacles of international sports competition. This year, it’s the SEA Games where the Philippine Sports Commission projected 70 gold medals but at the end of the 12-day tournament, only 36 golds were won. What’s on tap? The 2012 London Olympics.


The past Brewskie Awards

2006 Brewskies

2007 Brewskies

2008 Brewskies

2009 Brewskies

2010 Brewskies


  1. I'll suggest another award: the Yves Saint-Laurent Award, where you can award athletes who go out in style. My pick for first recipient: Mark Caguioa for his Kulotski-doodle. :DD

  2. Rick, in that part where you gave Torres the Shevchenko award, isn't Dynamo Kiev from the Ukranian city of Kiev? So that would make them Ukranian giants and not Russian giants.