This appears in the Monday, December 20, 2011 edition of the Business Mirror.
The 6th
Annual Brewskies
by rick olivares
At the end of every year, Bleachers’
Brew hands out the Brewskie Awards to people, athletes, and teams that have
made the world of sports even more interesting if not controversial. Here are
the 2011 winners.
Get
a number and stand in line Award
It seems that everyone wants to clean Floyd
Mayweather Jr.’s clock. If it isn’t Victor Ortiz, it’s Manny Pacquiao. Of
course, there’s HBO boxing analyst Larry Merchant who got into a verbal tussle
with Pretty Boy after the controversial ending to his match with Ortiz.
The
Condom Award
Victor Ortiz. So he may remember to
protect himself at all times especially against the Floyd Mayweathers of this
world.
The
Bausch & Lomb Eye Glass Cleaner Award
This one reluctantly goes to Joe
Paterno because he needs to see things more clearly. Unfortunately, for him,
the sin of omission in the Jerry Sandusky-Penn State Sex Scandal will
overshadow six decades of achievement. What a terrible way to end one’s career.
The
Blind Side Award (awarded by Michael Lewis and co-presented by the SBP)
Hagop Khajirian, deputy secretary
general of FIBA-Asia, who prior to the match between Smart Gilas Pilipinas and
the United Arab Emirates did not allow nationals Chris Lutz and Marcio Lassiter
to suit up because he said that the Samahang Basketbol ng Pilipinas did not yet
provide the duo’s citizenship papers. Huh? Lassiter and Lutz were not being
naturalized and Khajirian knew that the two previously suited up for Gilas in
other FIBA-sanctioned tourneys. So what happened there? He gave Gilas something
to worry about other than their on court opponents. Highly suspicious if you
ask me about the timing.
Sausage
Eating Champion Award
David Stern, the overstaying NBA
Commissioner bags this. Easily. The Houston Rockets, New Orleans Hornets, and
the Los Angeles Lakers agreed to a three-team deal that would have sent Chris
Paul to LA, Paul Gasol to Texas and given the Louisiana-squad four players and
a future first round draft pick. But Stern nixed the deal citing the trade
lopsided in favor of the Lakers. Then when Paul goes to the other LA team – the
Clippers – everything is all right even if the trade doesn’t look good this
time for New Orleans. Stern refused to discuss “how the sausage was made” hence
this award.
The
Salman Rushdie Award
Named for the British-Indian novelist
who once wrote a book that drew the ire of the Muslim world and had the late
Iranian leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issue a fatwa against Rushdie for
blasphemy. This year’s recipient is the prolific Dan Gilbert who dethroned
Dallas owner Mark Cuban for his writing skills. The Cleveland Cavaliers’ owner
creates controversy every time he pens something. If it isn’t that diatribe
against LeBron James (in comic sans font) then it’s that piece about Chris Paul
going to the Los Angeles Lakers as being unfair. The world waits with bated
breath at what Gilbert will write next.
The
this-is-epic-this-is-legendary-this-is-boxing-this-is-controversial Award
This is the intro to HBO’s super
fights. Unfortunately, this applies well to the Pacquiao-Marquez fight that
ended in Pacquiao’s favor albeit rather controversially. Pacquiao-Marquez IV?
Forget it.
The
Andriy Shevchenko Award
Fernando Torres. After a great couple
of years with Liverpool FC, Torres jumped ship to rival Chelsea. Unfortunately,
the goal that he scored at a dizzying pace with LFC has since evaporated and
he’s seen plenty of pine time. Torres’ forgettable stint with Chelsea mirrors
former Blues striker Shevchenko who came over from AC Milan with a rep as a big
time goal scorer. Shevchenko struggled in Stamford Bridge and was shipped out
after a few years. He has since rediscovered his lethal form when he joined
Russian giants Dynamo Kiev. Maybe Torres would do well to follow the
Ukrainian’s example.
Flavor
of the Season Award
Tim Tebow. Not since Derek Jeter was
overly scrutinized for his plummeting batting average, defense, and
contributions to the New York Yankees (he turned things around and shut every
yobbo up) has there been an athlete who lights up talk show debates, chatrooms,
and fora the way Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow does. Whether he can
throw the pigskin or not, Denver is 7-1 since Tebow was handed the starting QB
position.
The
Three Stooges Award
Jose Mourinho, coach of Real Madrid.
Obviously, he must have learned from the antics of American vaudeville act of
Larry, Moe, and Curly where slapstick humor ruled as did eye poking. During a
Supercopa brawl with nemesis Barcelona, Mourinho poked the Catalan club’s
assistant coach Tito Vilanova in the eye then casually walked back to his side
of the scrum seemingly for protection. Mourinho claims that he was provoked. He
really is “The Special One” because all he got for his trouble was a
three-match ban and €600!” Vilanova was fined a similar amount and received a
one-match ban! And he was the one who got poked!
Disaster
of the Year
The Philippines is no stranger to
disasters. If it’s not of the weather or natural kind, then it’s man-made such
as the now familiar and regular debacles of international sports competition.
This year, it’s the SEA Games where the Philippine Sports Commission projected
70 gold medals but at the end of the 12-day tournament, only 36 golds were won.
What’s on tap? The 2012 London Olympics.
-------------------
The past
Brewskie Awards
2006 Brewskies
2007 Brewskies
2008 Brewskies
2009 Brewskies
2010 Brewskies
I'll suggest another award: the Yves Saint-Laurent Award, where you can award athletes who go out in style. My pick for first recipient: Mark Caguioa for his Kulotski-doodle. :DD
ReplyDeleteRick, in that part where you gave Torres the Shevchenko award, isn't Dynamo Kiev from the Ukranian city of Kiev? So that would make them Ukranian giants and not Russian giants.
ReplyDelete