Someone asked me how my blog and newspaper column came to be titled "Bleachers Brew". It's like this, it's an amalgam of sorts of two things: The bleachers area in the stadium/arena where I used to sit when I would watch baseball, football, and basketball games and Miles Davis' great jazz album Bitches Brew. That's how it got culled together. I originally planned on calling it "The View from the Big Chair" that is a nod to Tears For Fear's second album, Songs from the Big Chair. So there.

Friday, February 27, 2009

I decided to become a stand up comedian. Laffapalooza here I come

I hear there's a sale at the PFF.
Yup. A lot of people are selling out.

I heard that the former RP Women's Futsal Team would sell personal items, their car, and stuff to fund their international competitions.
In the PFF, when they hold similar sales, they call it a "Congress."

There's a scandalous new talk show.
It's called the PFF Congress.

Only they weren't talking. They were yelling at each other.

Some of the Presidents of Football Associations were given new shoes by the AFC President the night before the Congress.
Hammam must have confused them with the Philippine Team that went to the Homeless World Cup.

Hey, Hammam. I wear a size 11, okay?

If Hammam handed out football boots, then they probably were distributed like this:
- adidas Predator to the managers who think they're coaches
- Nike Vapor to those who cannot explain certain money matters.
- Nike Air Legend to those who declare that "I am football in the Philippines." Unfortunately, that isn't good enough to pip Leonardo DiCaprio's "I'm the King of the World!"
- Nike Power Swerve to those who "reinvest" or re-allocate money because coaches do not submit their reports. Oo nga naman, coaches. Submit them early so you get paid na!
- Puma Konstrukt II to those who helped build the House of Football.
and lastly,
the Lotto Zhero Evolution to those who have no balls.

Next time, I will test a theory.
I'm going up to the microphone during the Congress and say, "I just wanted to tell you that I think that PFF stands for "Pera For Football."
Php 10 million bucks gets you that the next word you will hear is "noted."

On February 24, 1986, an aborted coup d'etat and a people power revolution was on the verge of being crushed except the following day, the dictator fled.
On February 24, 2009, a coup was crushed before it even got started.
How? It got Hammam-ed.

On February 24, a new word was entered into the dictionary: "Hammam-ed"
1) crushed or gifted
For those Football Association Presidents who received new shoes
2) sinapatos

Before the next Pera For Football Congress, I heard that some quarters will try their hand in ousting the president. Why? They want Hammam to come back and give another Php 10 million.

If you're getting married, I recommend that you get Mohammed Bin Hammam as your wedding godfather.
He will talk about solidarity (the union of husband and wife), working as one (there's no "I" in team but there is in "marriage") and when it hits the rocks, that you shouldn't complain but sweep it under the rug (woman! you must submit to your husband).
Don't worry, you can be sure he'll make a generous donation.

Mikey Romero is the godfather of amateur basketball.
Manny Pangilinan is the godfather of Ateneo and San Beda basketball.
Mohammed Bin Hammam is the godfather of Philippine football.

There was fighting, yelling, betrayal, selling out, temptation, and verbal jousting in the 5th PFF Ordinary Congress.
Makes me wonder what actually goes on in the Extraordinary (or Special) Congress.

It also made me wonder if I was watching an episode of Desperate House-wives.
House of... get it?

That's enough bad comedy for the day. Cocktails, anyone?

I posted as my facebook status that I'm going to join Laffapalooza and that they should check my blog on why (I also added the link). You know how sometime a facebook prompt will pop up and ask you to type in something for verification?

So when I did, the prompt read: type in "charge $5.6 mil"

Did facebook try to Hammam me? Bwahahahaha.

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