Someone asked me how my blog and newspaper column came to be titled "Bleachers Brew". It's like this, it's an amalgam of sorts of two things: The bleachers area in the stadium/arena where I used to sit when I would watch baseball, football, and basketball games and Miles Davis' great jazz album Bitches Brew. That's how it got culled together. I originally planned on calling it "The View from the Big Chair" that is a nod to Tears For Fear's second album, Songs from the Big Chair. So there.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Shaq sucks! Or can this no longer funny guy please retire?

Dominant center of all time? Whoever uses that and Shaquille O'Neal in the same sentence should have their kneecaps blown out. Twice over.

Nowhere close to Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is where the Notorious Motormouth is.

It seems that success has gotten into this Jerkdaddy''s head. He had the temerity to blame Pat Riley for their debacle. This coming from someone who refuses to work out in the off-season because it's his time; not company time. When you retire, Shaq, you'll be parroting Charles Barkley's admission that and regret about not taking care of his body sooner.

And this lunkhead's latest foobar? Shaq did some freestyle rap in a club over the weekend and dissed Kobe Bryant. Sure Kobe didn't generally play well in the finals but the end to the Jordan comparisons would have sufficed -- not another rap attack.

It is in bad taste, Shaq. Kobe had a better series than all your lousy movies put together.

"You know how I be,"the Big Idiot rapped. "Last week Kobe couldn't do without me."

He also implored the crowd to sing along to his oft-repeated chorus: "Kobe [expletive], tell me how my [expletive] tastes."

Smiling and laughing often, O'Neal also sang that Bryant broke up his marriage.

"I'm a horse. Kobe ratted me out," he rapped. "That's why I'm getting divorced. He said Shaq gave a [woman] a mil. I don't do that 'cause my name's Shaquille. I love 'em, I don't leave 'em. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em."

And O'Neal exclaimed in his battle rap that he's "the difference between first and last place."

You got that right Shaq. That's why Miami stank in your last season with them. And that is why the Phoenix Suns will never get past the San Antonio Spurs with you at center.

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