Someone asked me how my blog and newspaper column came to be titled "Bleachers Brew". It's like this, it's an amalgam of sorts of two things: The bleachers area in the stadium/arena where I used to sit when I would watch baseball, football, and basketball games and Miles Davis' great jazz album Bitches Brew. That's how it got culled together. I originally planned on calling it "The View from the Big Chair" that is a nod to Tears For Fear's second album, Songs from the Big Chair. So there.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Our Survey Said

It’s time to play that famous game of Family Feud and feud is right. So let’s ask our friend Richard Dawson to lend us a hand here with the top answers on the board:

The Top 10 excuses for cheating in sports:
1. Everyone does it so why can’t we?
2. We didn’t know they were over-aged!
3. Goddamn alumni boosters!
4. We needed a championship to boost our image.
5. We need our alumni to give more money.
6. I wanted my younger brother’s team to advance to so I’ll throw a game.
7. Because our athletes are not too smart to go to class.
8. We bet a lot of money.
9. We thought we’d never get caught.
10. Winning is everything.

Why you shouldn’t rain on Kobe Bryant’s parade:
1. He’ll drop 60 points on your team.
2. He’ll buy his wife a diamond ring. Did you watch Blood Diamond?
3. You’ll be accused of instigating a witch hunt.
4. You’re probably in the minority. His #24 j is the number one selling jersey in the USA and China.
5. You’ll get a forearm shiver to your windpipe.

The top seven denials in sports:
1. It wasn’t rape. She consented to it.
2. I didn’t know it was drugs, man.
3. The media misquoted me. They took it out of context.
4. Damn referees.
5. It was the coach’s fault.
6. It was the player’s fault.
7. The better team lost.

Reasons why sports will never fully develop in the country:
1. Most sponsors would rather spend on the PBA, UAAP, or Manny Pacquiao.
2. The only inclination to sports by people who allocate money for sponsorship is running a treadmill or playing badminton.
3. We don’t have a strong grassroots program.
4. Like education, sports is not on our country’s radar.
5. Our sports officials are better equipped than the athletes.

Why Dennis Rodman will make the Hall of Fame before Ron Artest:
1. His teams – Detroit & Chicago – beat some pretty good teams: Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle, and Utah. Ron Artest beat on fans at the Palace.
2. Dennis was the first to wear #91. Ron was second.
3. For all of Dennis’ distractions, the teams he played for got better (although the Admiral will dispute that). Ron’s teams spiraled out of control.
4. Dennis won five NBA titles, a bunch of rebounding titles, the Sixth Man of he Year Award with Detroit. Ron won a one-way ticket out of Indiana.

Most incredible Pinoy sports ironies:
1. Jojo Lastimosa who used to be so vocal about the proliferation of Fil-foreigners in the PBA was an assistant coach for Alaska at time when it was predominantly stacked with Fil-Ams (I think only two weren’t of foreign descent).
2. Sta. Lucia proclaiming themselves as wholly homegrown then drafting Alex Cabagnot and Kelly Williams in succession.
3. Our 1996 Olympic delegation featured six athletes including Onyok Velasco and Toni Leviste among others. The number of officials and tag-alongs was more than triple.
4. Every time we compete in an international sports event like the Asian Games there’s some issue about funding, lack of uniforms, lack of preparation, and then some politico calls for an investigation of which nothing ever comes out.

Why the old Ginebra San Miguel team of the Big J will kick the tail out of the current squad on any given day:
1. They were put together by spit, blood, and Jaworski pride (my ode to the late great Pinggoy Pengson).
2. They were never beaten badly by their foes. They had the Destroyer and the Big J to beat ‘em up, the Scholar to outwit ‘em, the original Dynamite and Mama, and the Magic Man.
3. They were the one true peoples’ team.
4. They had better imports: Billy Ray Bates, Michael Hackett, Jamie Waller, Jumpin’ Joe Ward, Wes Matthews, Carlos Briggs, and a guy named Jervin Cole.
5. They were the masters of the cardiac finish.

And on a non-sports note, my top reasons why I am not going to vote and why I am getting out of the country:
1. There’s no one to vote for.
2. What for when nothing has changed?
3. Balimbing is the National Fruit.
4. Where does my tax money go? To some politico who says that this road-widening project is a service of his office? To his re-election campaign?
5. No matter who wins, the other party will always say that they were cheated out of victory.

* * *
For a dear person:
God bless and rest the soul of the late PBA and NCAA Commissioner Jun Bernardino. He became a good friend over the last two years. Thanks for being a friend and a mentor of sorts. I’ll miss those long days of kwentuhan about sports. He was one of four people (including my editor Jun Lomibao, my boss Jude Turcuato, and my NCAA source) I sought for advice regarding the current PCU eligibility scandal before breaking it out in the open. Thanks so much for your advice, friendship, and support. See ya in the Big Stadium in the Sky.

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