Bleachers' Brew #190 A Message from our Sponsors

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A Message from Our Sponsors

by rick olivares

Dear Tiger Woods:

I know you may not read this as you’ve practically gone hermit on the world but I do hope your friends and your handlers read this and maybe pass it on to you as their own advice. Unless they are man enough to own up to their poor advice and say that, “Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to think of this like when I failed to tell you that it was a bad idea to hook up with that porn star but you should really hear this.”

I hope the Holidays offered some time of reflection and introspection even as some of your corporate sponsors shaved (Gillette), deleted (Accenture), called time (Tag Heuer), or cut (AT&T) you from their adspend from hereon.

You may call them New Year’s Resolutions or food for thought. Whatever. But here is a message to get back on track. And incredibly, to quote Simon & Garfunkel, the words of the prophets are on the walls. Or in the ads that although taken down from their traditional sites but remain elsewhere especially in the viral world.

What are you made of? (The slogan of Woods’ Tag Heuer ads). You were just named the 2009 PGA Golfer of the Year (his tenth in his 13-year career). That makes your personal annus horribilis and 2010 as a back-to-back Years of the Tiger literally and figuratively. No one knows whether your marriage will be saved but you should still be on the golf course doing what you do best. Even if you repair the damage done to your family, you’re forever going to be the putt of jokes on and off the course. Just suck it up like Kobe Bryant and perform. Bryant never once missed a game during that season when he was accused of rape. Even after he took his beating on and off the court, he was dogged in his pursuit of redemption and his athletic goals. In the course of doing so, he won an NBA title without Shaquille O’Neal and struck Olympic gold. And he is universally acclaimed as the best player in the game. Lately, he’s hit three game winners adding to his legend.

Golf is what is and will always define you. It will still be the first entry in wikipedia if one looks you up. All these golfers dumping on you now…. kick their darned butts on the greens. Jesper Parnevik? Who cares if you will no longer be friends? Maybe that’s what golf needs too. Some old fashioned rivalries to make it more interesting. While you’re at it, I highly recommend that you dump whoever your handlers are because of the poor advice they’ve given you (Manny Pacquiao are you reading this?). Those carefully crafted ad campaigns sound real hilarious now in the light of your infidelity.

You have to toughen up. Your pop was a Green Beret after all and he must have passed on some of those tough genes on you. If anything, learn from those Filipino politicians who always present a strong face in the midst of scandal and trouble. No matter how incompetent or corrupt they are, they cling to public office as if the people owe them a living. Don’t take it the wrong way despite that jab against those political leeches but my point is stay on course but fix your marriage. Suck it up. And the best place to put up and shut everyone up is on the golf course. The public will never forget but they can always forgive.

The best a man can get (The slogan of Woods’ Gillette ads with Thierry Henry and Roger Federer). You were said to be the Chosen One – the best of the east and the west. Whoever crafted that save-the-world-with-a-swing-of-the-golf-club must have taken in too much incense inside Buddhist temples. After all, you’ve never spoken out against racism, injustice, corruption etcetera and it would look contrived if you started now. There are only two sports events that can stop a war – when the World Cup is on and when Manny Pacquiao fights. However, you break down barriers more so since golf was once strictly thought as a white man’s game. But really, get the best help for you and your family. Spare no expense in resolving it if it can even be at all. Your corporate sponsors may abandon you. These punk golfers may knock you down now (but they certainly owe you for what they are also earning now) but your family will stick beside you. Or at least they should unless Elin decides to take the money and bail (can you blame her at this point?).

High performance. Delivered. (The tag line of Woods’ Accenture ads). You came back from surgery with some classic victories. Think of it like where Mike Tyson was after all his troubles. He failed to bounce back and thus he is the subject of many what-ifs followed by the shake of the head. Leave no doubt, what happens now will define you forever. You are at a crossroads. The pressure just doubled big time.

It’s time to perform, Tiger.

The best coverage of any carrier worldwide. (Woods’ gear carries the AT&T logo). The ironic thing here is, your sponsors left you but the media will constantly circle you like buzzards. They will be on you 24/7 more than HBO. Keep that in mind. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” If Oscar de la Hoya was destroyed by a thousand left hands by Manny Pacquiao, you’ll be getting jabs left and right, nasty upper cuts, and illegal headbutts (not that it hasn’t happened by now) by everyone with a chip on their shoulder and by those who love to rail at the world. The next misstep and they will be on you like a thousand pit bulls. If you think that burning Beatles albums and effigies by those offended by John Lennon’s “we’re more popular than Jesus” remark was frightening then you’ve got another thought coming.

Some say that the real you was that philandering, club-throwing, expletive-per-minute gabbing, and crass joke-making person. One wonders now if they know you at all. But make no mistake. You got to think of everything that you do. You cannot do a Quentin Tarantino on Inglourious Basterds by starting off great before limping badly home with a crappy Hollywood ending.

With all of this in mind… here’s one final message from one who has stuck behind you.

Just do it.

Happy New Year.

Rick